Maybe that is a dreadful title to this post but I think it pretty much reflects the general mood of Kathy and the gang.
Right now, life if relentless for Kathy. She wants to be gone but her body is hanging on. It's hard - even with all the love, friends and support. It's really hard but she still is Kathy.
She is still managing her life.. sometimes more, sometimes less. Last night she picked up the phone and I came in to hear her talking to a tenant about rent and the utility bill that was overdue. I heard her sayiing, "yes, this is Kathy. I have been ill so things are a little disorganized."
It's so frustrating for Kathy. She is completely dependent now. She has reduced the amount of steroid that she is taking. It won't make her leave any sooner but she will be less present. I questioned her about that yesterday and she said that she would rather be "fuzzy" than completely here.
When I kissed her last night, she said "there aren't words to thank you all enough. I keep saying it but there are not enough words to describe my thanks."
Thanks for your help and love.
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Shirley, Julie, Carol, everyone who is posting here, you're sharing a gift by letting us know your thoughts and feelings and coming closer to Kathy's life and experience of dying. We all tend to deny our own impending death. If I have the luxury of knowing I'm dying while it is happening, I will remember you all with appreciation. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
ReplyDeleteI was priviledged to have some time with Kathy two days ago.She is still crisp with a sense of humor, "Here, come sit around my death bed",(a place that awaits all of us!) She asked me what I wanted from the rest of my life, that what we own and possess doesn't really matter. What matters is our service, what we give.......I will carry those words down deep in my bones always. Kathy could have withered into depression and bitterness.ˆInstead she created a life that mattered, that made passionate changes, that created a community that will be remembered. She is engraved upon all of our hearts inexplicably. forever. Marilyn
ReplyDeleteKathy's volunteer tutoring time with children and me was a gift beyond measure. Once again, Kathy and Julie are caring for others. Thank you, thank you for this information. Love, Carolyn
ReplyDeleteI met Kathy in the mid-70's when I lived in Gainesville and we became friends. We shared a trip to Maine to visit her brother, staying at a commune, and driving through South Carolina where we encountered a 'good ol' boy' trying to run us off the road while brandishing a gun reminiscent of "Deliverance", and stayed that night in a fleabag motel reminiscent of "Psycho".
ReplyDeleteA decade later during my residency in Los Angeles, I heard about Kathy's accident and flew out for support.
Now being retired, I was able to visit Kathy and Julie last June, and really enjoyed our last conversations. Kathy is one of those very rare individuals who understands my deaf speech, and I feel blessed knowing her. She has been a significant part of my life. Bless you, Kathy
Judy Pachciarz
My support and love to you, Shirley, Julie, Carol, as you maintain this active vigil of caring, not only for Kathy, but for all who love and care for her as well. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteRosalie
Girlzzz..... watching over Kathy as she dies: My heart goes out to all of you. I'm sure you already know how incredibly difficult the task you have taken on is, and will continue to be. Blessings to you all, and thank you for keeping me and Janie posted. We are mourning and celebrating right along with you, even tho 3000 miles away. We love you all. Safe journey, Kathy. Ru
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