Kathy has been in a lot of pain. The hospice doctor visited Kathy at home and spoke frankly of her condition to Kathy and the team. She feels that Kathy's time here is very limited but that she could be made more comfortable if she was in hospice for a day or two to get her pain under control. Kathy and Julie agreed to the plan and so Kathy is now at hospice.
Kathy's speech had become a quiet monotone. She has told us that she sees 6 of everything so she keeps her eyes closed most of the time. She hasn't been smiling - her face has a kind of a frowning/questioning look. She seems gone a lot of the time... you think she is sleeping but she isn't always. Sometimes she is listening and she is still really plugged in...
When they first arrived, the a staff member was asking questions about Kathy's meds. Julie and Randi were filling her in. Evidently though, they weren't completely correct so every once in a while, Kathy would pipe up and correct them. She had the morphine pump button in her hand and was pressing it every couple of minutes. Julie looked over and told Kathy that she didn't have to press it that often. Kathy said, I know, I am just practicing!
A large group of us gathered at hospice around dinner time. Kathy was laying stonily on the hospital bed. When I kissed her, she didn't respond. I made a comment.. still nothing. Then maybe a minute or two later, she responded. It was chilling to see the leader like that.
OK ... the bright spot. The pain meds must have started doing their magic. Kathy's eyes were open more and she started engaging a little more. It was Julie's mom's birthday. She was in the bathroom in Kathy's room and when she came out, we all yelled surprise and started singing Happy Birthday. Someone pointed at Kathy and we looked over and there she was, laying in bed, eyes closed - singing Happy Birthday. It choked me up so that I couldn't sing anymore.
A little later, Kathy picked up the morphine pump button and started talking into it... "I guess you all wonder why I have asked you here tonight." She then proceeded to give a little joke speech to us which included something like "and this is the best morphine mic ... and ended with "and just one more thing" which is something Julie teases her about saying. You can look at the previous posts and see where Julie posted an image of Kathy's hand, finger raised saying Just one more thing.
So great, we have Just One More Thing from Kathy and it was good.
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The Chance To Love Everything
ReplyDeleteby Mary Oliver
All summer I made friends
with the creatures nearby ---
they flowed through the fields
and under the tent walls,
or padded through the door,
grinning through their many teeth,
looking for seeds,
suet, sugar; muttering and humming,
opening the breadbox, happiest when
there was milk and music. But once
in the night I heard a sound
outside the door, the canvas
bulged slightly ---something
was pressing inward at eye level.
I watched, trembling, sure I had heard
the click of claws, the smack of lips
outside my gauzy house ---
I imagined the red eyes,
the broad tongue, the enormous lap.
Would it be friendly too?
Fear defeated me. And yet,
not in faith and not in madness
but with the courage I thought
my dream deserved,
I stepped outside. It was gone.
Then I whirled at the sound of some
shambling tonnage.
Did I see a black haunch slipping
back through the trees? Did I see
the moonlight shining on it?
Did I actually reach out my arms
toward it, toward paradise falling, like
the fading of the dearest, wildest hope ---
the dark heart of the story that is all
the reason for its telling?