Kathy's Service

It was a beautiful and true service. For those of you who were unable to attend the service at UCG the room was overflowing. There was sadness, but there was also a sense of celebrating Kathy's life. Sandy and Larry Reimer captured Kathy in her true spirit, her generosity, her humor, her grace and of course her accomplishments. They spoke to Julie, giving her strength as she goes on with her life. Now of course for each of us in our own way comes the work of going on without her but keeping her inspiration alive.

Below is a picture that Tammy Briar took as we walked the trail at Prairie Creek Preserve on the way to Kathy's burial place. (Click the photo to enlarge.)

Please feel free to continue to share your thoughts and feelings here.

tomorrow evening's service

We welcome all of you who are moved to come to the memorial service for Kathy tomorrow evening. I was asked to inform you that if the UCG parking lot is full, we have been granted permission to park at the Lutheran Church located one block west of UCG on the south side of 5th Ave.

We have been in an intense private bubble these last weeks, and look forward to seeing you all, and sharing in our sadness, and our celebration of Kathy's wondrous life.

Kathy's Memorial Service:

United Church of Gainesville
Corner of NW 17th St and 5th Ave.
Thursday, 7 P.M.

Going Green

I was fearful driving towards Kathy and Julie's yesterday morning. How would it be to see Kathy - just lying there dead in her own house? When our friends and loved ones die, we usually see them in a hospital or a funeral home - never decked out with flowers and candles and with a cat at their feet. But that was the scene and it was lovely. Kathy lay sweetly on the hospital bed that had been set up in the sun room. Silk scarves of ever color were draped over the windows. She held a straw rose and a newly opened lotus blossom. Pogo, her ever faithful cat companion, lay at her feet. Julie was seated at her side.

Her mouth which had been open for so long as she struggled to breath, was closed in a small smile. One eye was slightly open. She was still keeping an eye on us. Lorelei and Julie and I don't know who else (Randi?) had bathed and dressed Kathy at hospice for her journey home. She was adorned with the shroud that Lorelei (and Marilyn?) had made. It was muslin and covered with bits and pieces of Kathy's green group T shirts. The fingers of her right hand were folded under as always but her left hand - which had been so contorted in the last few months - was open and relaxed. She looked so calm, relaxed and peaceful.

We scurried around running in to each other, making final plans to unite Kathy with the earth. The plan was to meet at Prairie Creek Lodge. Calls were made in between quiet moments of sitting with Kathy.

We met Judy, Nancy and Marco (the donkey) at the lodge. We put Kathy in a small donkey cart that we had covered with flowers, ferns and palm fronds. The procession headed out for the 3/4 mile trek from the lodge to the burial site. Kathy lead the way, we traipsed behind - sweltering in the heat. I had imagined a solemn procession but it was more of an amiable amble. People talked, walked and sweated. It was a beautiful walk sometimes over shifting sugary sand, sometimes - crunchy oak mulch. Hawks flew overhead and dragonflies accompanied us. An owl swooped by and showed Tammy and Lori it's beautiful face.

Here's a picture from when Kathy visited her burial site a couple of weeks ago.

Susan, Freddie, Ivor and Ben had prepared the burial site. The earth had been hard and resistant to opening up for Kathy. Susan remarked that it was strong - like Kathy. Marco stopped next to the hole they had dug for Kathy and she was place over the grave on slats.

Sandy and Larry from United Church of Gainesville were there with us. Sandy lead us in a beautiful ceremony. Psalms and poems were read. We sang a short song and Kathy was lowered into the earth. We covered her with flowers and fronds so that the dirt would not fall right on her body and we began to shovel the earth over our friend, leader, sister, lover.

It was sad but not shatteringly so. The pain of loss has been part of us for two months now. This was just the next step and then of course will be the next step... living without her.

She had a wonderful life, filled with love and incredible accomplishments. She worked hard to save the world and make it a better place. The influence of her life both as a doctor and an environmentalist will be felt for decades to come.

We cannot say often enough how much you have helped and how supported Kathy, Julie, family and friends have felt. We feel the love.

Memorial Service this Thursday

A Memorial Service is planned for this Thursday July 22nd @ United Church of Gainesville 1624 NW 5th Ave. Gainesville, FL at 7:00 PM. A reception will follow the service. In lieu of flowers, donations can be made to Putnam Land Conservancy and/or Hospice.

Crepe Myrtle

We would like to cover Kathy with flowers. If you have a beautiful crepe myrtle in bloom we could use some blossoms. We have a bucket on our front walk of our house. My address 1704 nw 10th ave. We will be leaving home by 2:30 so if you can drop some by before then, it would be great.

To everything, there is a season

A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep

Kathy passed quietly in the night. Both Julie and Lorelei were there to witness her last breaths. They say that she looked very peaceful and was breathing softly.. and then just stopped.

She will be buried today in a private ceremony. There will be a service at their church, United Church of Gainesville. Details to follow.

Julie is a private person. She has stood strong all during Kathy's "share it with the world" passing. Please let Julie have some time to process. We know that you all love and Kathy and will be mourning her passing but please refrain from calling the house or Julie or stopping by .... for a while. Let's let Julie have some peace.

We will keep you posted.

Once again, thank you all for being there for Kathy.

Time to rest

Kathy's doctor suggested to everyone today that Kathy may be lingering because people are around her and has suggested that we leave her by herself for a while. It makes sense and certainly people are tired but we will feel a loss not being together by her side.

Julie and Sue (Kathy's sister) kindly request that no one visit Kathy at Hospice.

Once again, thank you for your kindness.

We will let you know how it goes.

I Believe She's Amazing Flash Mob - Toronto Eaton Centre
www.youtube.com
http://www.IBelieveShesAmazing.com/ Kim MacGregor organized this flash mob of 200 dancers to launch "I Believe She's Amazing" in honor of her friend Erika Heller who passed away May 28th, 2009 at 31 yrs. old...this is her living legacy.

This is dedicated to Kathy by Carol Gordon

The vigil continues

Ten of us found chairs, loveseats, floorspace and recliners and stayed the night with Kathy at hospice. She was ashen and her breathing was irregular with scarily long pauses. Her pupils were tiny pinpoints. Some have told us that she is already gone and it is just the mechanics of her body, slowly ending what it has done so well these last 60 short but amazing years.

We slept fitfully thinking surely someone would shake us awake to be with Kathy at her last moments... but she continues to surprise us. She continues on.. just a little longer.

We thank you for your love. You out there who are reading and keeping your own vigils. Thank you for your thoughts, prayers, poems, videos, kindness and once again love.

We have felt your love. It has been a extraordinary experience watching Kathy leave but feeling the tendrils of the community reaching forward in every direction to help us help Kathy. We have had to make several calls to people we don't know or barely know and they have often said something like...."I love you all even though I don't know you."

How lucky are we to be living in Gainesville with so much love around. As Kathy often said in the last few weeks, "there are no words to describe it."

Entry from Lorelei's Journal

Entry from Lorelei's Journal:

July 17, 2010

Today may be the day. We are holding vigil at Hospice, we feel that she can hear us, she sounds very loud, she is holding on loudly. Randi called me last night at midnight to see if I should come, I waited until this morning to be relief. Jules didn't sleep at all. Sue is here now. She is reading to Kathy and crying her heart out. I sit quietly across the room lest I interfere with the passing, lest I inadvertently call her back to this drab world.

Driving here, I saw a box turtle trying to cross the road. I passed it and then came back to help it to the other side. When I picked it up I saw that its underside had been cracked and grown back together. The tortoise is Kathy's spirit animal.

We will sit in this room waiting and praying and crying and loving her until she passes and then we will begin all of that again. Words cannot express being in this room with her, with the last bit that hangs on to this world, the grasp on each one of our spirits. I feel that she has said goodbye, has loved us all, has finished her loose ends, and realized her projects.

Now we wait, and are tender and loving, for her to leave, to go to the light. I miss my dear friend. Our beautiful, philosophical conversations, our support and comfort of each other, the love and the heartbreak we have shared. The love of nature, the experience of nature, and crossing over into each other's realm, the intellectual to the visual seen through each other's eyes. I am grateful for knowing her, it has been a privilege and is a great loss.

Give her peace, free her beautiful spirit, let her rest, and move into the light, flying, moving freely, unimpeded by her broken wings, let her pass in peace. We love her so. Make her whole in spirit.

We sit in vigil. We wait and love. She can hear us and she can feel us. She can feel the love. God take her sweetly without any more suffering. She has suffered for years for us. She has made a better world, and if I didn't know better I would think you a cruel God, but I know I am blessed for having known her, and will keep the light of her memory forever and I will shine this light in the world in tribute to her and the love she has given us.

and one more thing

We are sitting around hospice right now just talking and Tammy reminded me of one of the last things Kathy said and it's important so we thought we should include it...

Yesterday just as Tammy was leaving for the evening Kathy looked up and said..."I love you" and this was followed by "I kicked ass today." Amen to that Kathy, you always do.

Nearing the end

I was to leave this morning on a two week vacation but Randi wisely counseled me to make other arrangements as it appears that Kathy has decided on leaving us soon.

In the last several days, Kathy has really become less and less a part of this world so it is hard to believe (but she is Kathy) that yesterday Mimi and Tammy got Kathy outside! She drifted in and out but she knew what was going on and was obviously happy to be outside. While they were still outside someone, (Will?) said that he had had Satchel's pizza for lunch. Kathy got excited and said that she wanted some for dinner and tried to get them all to get in her van. Truth is at the point, she couldn't swallow. It sounds sad now but it was a happy moment. It just shows how irrepressible her spirit is.

When she returned to the room, she started to drift away. We moved close to the bed and kept telling her that is was OK, everything is OK, it is all good, you can go to the light, you can let go. She would mumble after us, repeating the last word, OK OK, good, good. She said she was ready to go to the light. The night nurse arrived and introduced herself. Kathy's eyes popped wide open and she moved her hand as if to shake hands and said "Hi, my name is Kathy". She drifted deeper. She mumbled words we couldn't understand and then drifted further away from us.

She no longer opens her eyes or responds to us but we are staying near to see her to the end. Kathy appears to be in a coma. Her breath is labored, and her color not so good. It's hard but we are really all ready.

Kathy has chartered a path through this experience that I hope we can remember and follow when it is our turn. We have talked together about everything imaginable - things that pertain to life and the leaving of life. We have spoken of failures and successes, joys and sorrows and song selection details for her memorial. Kathy and Julie reviewed their loves and losses together. Tears and many laughs have been shared and we are now, so near the end.

Kathy will be buried shortly after her death. She will be, as many of you know, the first green burial in our area. There will be a small private ceremony where we will plant the "leader", our Kathy, back into the earth that she so dearly loves. There will be public memorials and we will post that on the blog as the details unfold.

Miranda has been posting a few poems by Mary Oliver. The one below, she posted as a comment but I wanted to include it in this post so that everyone would have the opportunity to read it.


Sleeping in the Forest
by Mary Oliver

I thought the earth remembered me, she
took me back so tenderly, arranging
her dark skirts, her pockets
full of lichens and seeds. I slept
as never before, a stone
on the riverbed, nothing
between me and the white fire of the stars
but my thoughts, and they floated
light as moths among the branches
of the perfect trees. All night
I heard the small kingdoms breathing
around me, the insects, and the birds
who do their work in the darkness. All night
I rose and fell, as if in water, grappling
with a luminous doom. By morning
I had vanished at least a dozen times
into something better.

Transitions

Dear Ones,
Our faithful and brilliant Shirley will soon be taking some days off and I am trying a test run for when I take the helm of this amazing blog she created. I am here w Shirl at hospice and we are helping Kathy as they work on getting her pain level down. They let us all come in and hang here with her, and we are greatful for that. She should be going back home in a day or so...we are picking up those wonderful meals and bringing them over to her. And believe me, she (and we!) enjoy them immensely. Thank you Dottie and Jane for last night's lasagna---fantastic! Kathy's sister Sue is coming tonight and we'll all be happy to see her. In the meantime, we've got a nice space here with a large window and a couple of birdfeeders at the window. Time is going by, but kathy is still definitely here with us, for now....

A bright spot

Kathy has been in a lot of pain. The hospice doctor visited Kathy at home and spoke frankly of her condition to Kathy and the team. She feels that Kathy's time here is very limited but that she could be made more comfortable if she was in hospice for a day or two to get her pain under control. Kathy and Julie agreed to the plan and so Kathy is now at hospice.

Kathy's speech had become a quiet monotone. She has told us that she sees 6 of everything so she keeps her eyes closed most of the time. She hasn't been smiling - her face has a kind of a frowning/questioning look. She seems gone a lot of the time... you think she is sleeping but she isn't always. Sometimes she is listening and she is still really plugged in...

When they first arrived, the a staff member was asking questions about Kathy's meds. Julie and Randi were filling her in. Evidently though, they weren't completely correct so every once in a while, Kathy would pipe up and correct them. She had the morphine pump button in her hand and was pressing it every couple of minutes. Julie looked over and told Kathy that she didn't have to press it that often. Kathy said, I know, I am just practicing!

A large group of us gathered at hospice around dinner time. Kathy was laying stonily on the hospital bed. When I kissed her, she didn't respond. I made a comment.. still nothing. Then maybe a minute or two later, she responded. It was chilling to see the leader like that.

OK ... the bright spot. The pain meds must have started doing their magic. Kathy's eyes were open more and she started engaging a little more. It was Julie's mom's birthday. She was in the bathroom in Kathy's room and when she came out, we all yelled surprise and started singing Happy Birthday. Someone pointed at Kathy and we looked over and there she was, laying in bed, eyes closed - singing Happy Birthday. It choked me up so that I couldn't sing anymore.

A little later, Kathy picked up the morphine pump button and started talking into it... "I guess you all wonder why I have asked you here tonight." She then proceeded to give a little joke speech to us which included something like "and this is the best morphine mic ... and ended with "and just one more thing" which is something Julie teases her about saying. You can look at the previous posts and see where Julie posted an image of Kathy's hand, finger raised saying Just one more thing.

So great, we have Just One More Thing from Kathy and it was good.

Life is eternal....

Thanks to a post from Karen Ahlers...

Life is eternal; and love is immortal; and death is only a horizon; and a horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight. ~ Rossiter W. Raymond

Life is Eternal is also a song by Carly Simon. Here are the lyrics and
video link:

I've been doing a lot of thinking
About growing older and moving on
Nobody wants to be told that they're getting on
For a long, long stay
But just how long and who knows
And how and where my spirit will go
Will it soar like Jazz on a saxophone
Or evaporate on a breeze
Won't you tell me please
That life is eternal
And love is immortal
And death is only a horizon
Life is eternal
As we move into the light
And a horizon is nothing
Save the limit of our sight
Save the limit of our sight

Here on earth I'm a lost soul
Ever trying to find my way back home
Maybe that's why each new star is born
Expanding heaven's room
Eternity in bloom
And will I see you up in that heaven
In all it's light will I know you're there
Will we say the things that we never dared
If wishing makes it so
Won't you let me know
That life is eternal
And love is immortal
And death is only a horizon
Life is eternal
As we move into the light
And a horizon is nothing
Save the limit of our sight
Save the limit of our sight

Slip sliding away

"Slip sliding away, slip sliding away
You know the nearer your destination, the more you slip sliding away." Simon and Garfunkel.

Going back to the image of Kathy and the rest of us adrift on a life raft... Kathy's on her own raft now. We are still tethered or as Carol would say, "rafted up" but the ropes that are holding her here are unraveling.

I got a call from Randi last night. She was worried because she could not reach anyone on the phone. When I couldn't get anyone either, I raced over there really worried that I was going to arrive at the house and Kathy would no longer be with us. Instead I came upon a quiet scene of family tranquility. Kathy was in her new space - the hospital bed in the side room. Julie was laying down with her head in Doug's lap. David and Gary were sitting in chairs. They were all happily watching a movie. It was so peaceful and quiet. It was so normal seeming.

Kathy speaks in a quiet voice and is losing track of time. She drifts in and out but she still knows us all.

A litte trouble breathing

For a couple of days now, Kathy has been having trouble breathing. Her thoughts continue to be off and on "fuzzy". Julie ordered oxygen for her. We will see how it goes.

They were going out to the lake today but I don't know if they made it. Kathy was in a lot of pain. She took some pain meds which wiped her out. They were waiting to see how she felt after the she roused from the meds.

A couple of days ago, Lorelei had the great idea of putting a hospital bed in the day room. It's Kathy's favorite room, windows on three sides. It's as close to being outside as you can be while still be inside. Pam ran out and got curtain rods and scarves to drape on the windows so Kathy could still have some privacy. Julie ran out and got a couple of new bird feeders and we stocked them up and put them right outside the windows of the day room. It was sunny and nice. Kathy enjoyed it.

A patch of rough water

Kathy and everyone else is feeling pretty exhausted. We are having our ups and downs. The visit to the lake houses seems like it went well but Kathy returned pretty tired. On Tuesday she decided that it would be a good idea if she went to Hospice, just for a day or two to give Julie and the rest of the care giving team a break. On Wednesday, they got there and realized that Kathy would be in the room by herself most of the time unless one of us was there. So that didn't work out. They packed up and come home really discouraged, tired and emotionally spent. The reality of seeing hospice, even though it is a lovely and caring place, was an emotional reality check. It rocked our little life raft.

There was a big meeting that night. Pam remarked that it has been exactly 7 weeks since our first meeting when Kathy told us she needed help because she could no longer transfer by herself.

In many ways, that seems a short time... and in many ways a very long time.

There is not a lot that we can report right now. Kathy is "listing" to one side a bit more and tends to close her eyes and drift off on a regular basis. She often says that she can't tell whether it is the drugs or the brain tumor but her thinking is getting fuzzier.

I wish I had a happy note to end on. The only thing that I can say is that with Kathy, you never know. Hopefully we still have a few bright moments ahead of us.

Down but not out....

Kathy has remained in bed for sometime, not having the strength (or desire?) to be moved to her chair. A couple of evenings ago though I got a call.. here's how it went. --- "Hi, my computer won't work. I can't connect with the internet. Why can't you fix it? I have the brain tumor, not you." This was followed by a evil chuckle.

She was up and on the porch. Hanging out with the gang and enjoying the evening rain. Nice.

Lorelei has also been trying to get Kathy to go for a float on her lake. Kathy said it was just too much trouble and Lorelei rejoined with something like... what else do you have to do right now? So they did it. They didn't actually make it into the water but they had a good time enjoying the day from Lorelei's lake house porch. Laughing and listening to the rain. Crying probably too a little just because we almost always do.

They then headed to Kathy and Julie's lake place and spent the night there. Pretty good for someone who wasn't getting out of bed anymore!

a post from Michael Lehtola

Hi, I'm Michael Lehtola. Kathy and I went to medical school together at UF in the '70s. I just want to be updated on things. I spoke to Kathy on the phone last Saturday. It was great. She was her old self on the phone. Witty, upbeat, at peace obviously. We shared a little tear together. I do love her so.

My partner, Bruce and I live in San Francisco, so it is not possible to make a quick trip to see her. I only found out about this when Kathy e-mailed me just a little over a week ago to let me know this was her fate. Needless to say, I was devastated.

I have been following the blog. That helps, too.

Whenever you are with her, whisper my greetings and love to Kathy with a nice kiss on her forehead! If only I could do that myself.

Take care.

By the way, do you know Donna Burnell? She was a longtime resident of Gainesville but now lives in Dunedin, I believe. I hope she is aware of Kathy's condition. I don't have an active e-mail or phone number for her. We used to be close friends, but time and distance have changed that, unfortunately. Ask around and see if anyone else knows her contact info. I'd appreciate that favor as well.

Michael Lehtola

Life isn't easy... neither is death

Maybe that is a dreadful title to this post but I think it pretty much reflects the general mood of Kathy and the gang.

Right now, life if relentless for Kathy. She wants to be gone but her body is hanging on. It's hard - even with all the love, friends and support. It's really hard but she still is Kathy.

She is still managing her life.. sometimes more, sometimes less. Last night she picked up the phone and I came in to hear her talking to a tenant about rent and the utility bill that was overdue. I heard her sayiing, "yes, this is Kathy. I have been ill so things are a little disorganized."

It's so frustrating for Kathy. She is completely dependent now. She has reduced the amount of steroid that she is taking. It won't make her leave any sooner but she will be less present. I questioned her about that yesterday and she said that she would rather be "fuzzy" than completely here.

When I kissed her last night, she said "there aren't words to thank you all enough. I keep saying it but there are not enough words to describe my thanks."

Thanks for your help and love.

On 6/25/2010

We all went to City Hall last evening in Palatka to receive the proclamation for Kathy - Mike accepted it. The mayor read the inscriptions on and plaque and did a very eloquent job - the words were well written. We were sorry that Kathy could not accept this in person.