Nearing the end

I was to leave this morning on a two week vacation but Randi wisely counseled me to make other arrangements as it appears that Kathy has decided on leaving us soon.

In the last several days, Kathy has really become less and less a part of this world so it is hard to believe (but she is Kathy) that yesterday Mimi and Tammy got Kathy outside! She drifted in and out but she knew what was going on and was obviously happy to be outside. While they were still outside someone, (Will?) said that he had had Satchel's pizza for lunch. Kathy got excited and said that she wanted some for dinner and tried to get them all to get in her van. Truth is at the point, she couldn't swallow. It sounds sad now but it was a happy moment. It just shows how irrepressible her spirit is.

When she returned to the room, she started to drift away. We moved close to the bed and kept telling her that is was OK, everything is OK, it is all good, you can go to the light, you can let go. She would mumble after us, repeating the last word, OK OK, good, good. She said she was ready to go to the light. The night nurse arrived and introduced herself. Kathy's eyes popped wide open and she moved her hand as if to shake hands and said "Hi, my name is Kathy". She drifted deeper. She mumbled words we couldn't understand and then drifted further away from us.

She no longer opens her eyes or responds to us but we are staying near to see her to the end. Kathy appears to be in a coma. Her breath is labored, and her color not so good. It's hard but we are really all ready.

Kathy has chartered a path through this experience that I hope we can remember and follow when it is our turn. We have talked together about everything imaginable - things that pertain to life and the leaving of life. We have spoken of failures and successes, joys and sorrows and song selection details for her memorial. Kathy and Julie reviewed their loves and losses together. Tears and many laughs have been shared and we are now, so near the end.

Kathy will be buried shortly after her death. She will be, as many of you know, the first green burial in our area. There will be a small private ceremony where we will plant the "leader", our Kathy, back into the earth that she so dearly loves. There will be public memorials and we will post that on the blog as the details unfold.

Miranda has been posting a few poems by Mary Oliver. The one below, she posted as a comment but I wanted to include it in this post so that everyone would have the opportunity to read it.


Sleeping in the Forest
by Mary Oliver

I thought the earth remembered me, she
took me back so tenderly, arranging
her dark skirts, her pockets
full of lichens and seeds. I slept
as never before, a stone
on the riverbed, nothing
between me and the white fire of the stars
but my thoughts, and they floated
light as moths among the branches
of the perfect trees. All night
I heard the small kingdoms breathing
around me, the insects, and the birds
who do their work in the darkness. All night
I rose and fell, as if in water, grappling
with a luminous doom. By morning
I had vanished at least a dozen times
into something better.